Turmoil...

What a joke...
What a joke...
What a joke...

心痛

你总是这样说我
像一颗不容易溶化的糖果
带我见你的朋友
又很得意地埋怨我沈默

你追问我的行踪
你在乎我的举动
哄得我泪眼迷蒙
做些事情让我被感动

望著你突然一阵心痛
一次又一次任那感情放纵
你的脆弱让我走不开
你的依赖所以我存在

想著你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如我
有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中

我想我也无话可说, 无处可逃了.
我的喜怒哀乐已不知不觉中在这个女子的掌握之中.
不是并不知道我不应该这样做, 可是我的行动已不由自主.
原因非常简单. 我的心已随着这两个星期内, 随着每一次的相遇中, 慢慢的被掏走了.
此时, 我想我是幸福的. 因为现在还能时常在你身旁, 陪着你走着同样的路.
可是却又不只何时何刻开始, 会再感觉到心痛与无助.
不管将来会是怎样, 我是非常想把幸福与快乐带给你的.
虽不知道你现在的想法与感受, 但如我们真能共同走这条道路的话,一切都是值得的.
但如有一天,
想著你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如我
有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中

haha...Speechless. 

Let's see how it goes...

Very fun...or is it very sweet...
It's just how it feels when you think of someone you like very much. Though she might not reciprocate in the same way as i do...I guess, at the end of the day, at least i will only be the one struggling...So it doesn't matter much after all...

Was at starhub centre again yesterday night, and it didn't seem any different from the previous nights as well. Well, at least i am happy to be there. The only reason i want to be there is to see her. and walk her home..and nothing else... This time, when i see her again coming out from the centre, I knew that this time round, i am really waiting for her... I really want to be with her...

Had my 1st dream of her yesterday night after a long hiatus... The dream was so sweet that i simply refuse to get out of bed this morning, much to the annoyance of my dad... If only i can make the dream comes true...

Logically speaking, it also depends on her as well, if she has the same feelings for me or not...

穷途末路

Don't Know what to Do...Seems like end of the road... I know it's Not...But it feels like it...

1. Father Stress, Mother Stress, I am definitely stress as well...

2.. 4 mentees is definitely not simple...In fact, it is totally unfair to have so many metees.

3. Enough said about Make A Wish, Energy been sapped...

4. Played Daniel out...Simply no time and energy to finished the task he handed to me...I've Betrayed the trust place in me...

5. We seem to had taken the 1st steps... but i dunno how she is feeling rite now...

6. Econs lecture today... Not as motivated as before...Bogged down by too many many things...I certainly cant continue like this, Econs is supposedly to be my solace

7. Seriously miss basketball...Can i jus play a game please? Please?

Sch jus started, and i already seemed drained and lost...穷途末路...

Smile, Alan, Smile

It's been almost a wekk since i last blogged. It's had been a physically and emotionally draining week. Work, Y4C, tuitions and research had taken a toil on me. On the emotional side, a gal and mother was always there to occupy my almost lifeless mind...

The week's had been very difficult for me. Trying hard, and giving up almost all kind of activities was extremely hard and i was simply not used to it... The smile and laughter was seldom there and not as forthcoming as before. I want my old life back, and yet as Derek says, "It's quite impossible." Is it really impossible? Maybe... Am i pushing myself too hard on the academic side as well as the in the people that i deal with? Maybe too...

I was quite worried for my mum, initially. Can she cope with it, if there is really a relapse? She put on a brave front, as i can see. We had all wanted to be there for her, but as certain things go, she still had to face certain things on her own. If fate has it, there's really no escaping from it.

On the emotional side of my life, i think i've been trying, but as i know and all of you out there know, certain things can't be rushed... Was glad again to meet up with her again after missing out on the mrt station on Tuesday. I thought things were slightly better then. I really think so...

I think i am really insecure now, as the to what the future holds. Giving up the Economic Research Job seems the best option, logically speaking. However, it also means that i had gave up a golden opportunity to really pursue what i always wanted. However, i've already committed myself to another year of mentoring, and it would be extremely unfair to pull out now... as i feel. I am giving up my research job. I know that i simply don't possess the ability to pull out any reports during term time at a short notice. I will have to talk to Daniel about it... I really don't have much of a choice, and i really hope he understands...I really know i can't do it.

Perhaps, over the past few weeks, with so much things looming, i had already started the path on self doubting my own abilities. Never in my whole of 23 years of life, did i really felt that i had absolutely no time on my hands... I simply don't have time for anything. And i know i am definitely not happy and in my own usual self. I knew it. The insecurity that had been shroudding me just seem to has grown even more... Yes, i am insecure, about almost everything... I knew that if i gave my best, there's already nothing i can do. Yet i simply don't like the sinking feeling that accompanys when i couldn't do something well... That's insecurity for you... I simply think too much...